Emotional Intimacy Needs of a Woman

Whether you are coupled, or whether you are single, I hope you enjoy relationships in which you are adored!

In the following Q&A session, I coach a single woman who longs for a fulfilling intimate relationship. If you are single, you will want to be sure to read it. If you are married, you will want to share the wisdom with your single friends and family members.

Dear Benita: I’m wondering if men need deep emotional intimacy to feel fulfilled in a romantic relationship. It seems that is key for most women’s fulfillment, but do men really place a high value on having this component in relationship, or do they simply not need this aspect as much as women?

Dear Tara: Thank you for your question. Many women wonder about this, and it gives me a good opportunity to address the issue. Even if we were to agree that men are not made for emotional intimacy like women are, entertaining that conversation will not help you create a healthy romance. You pay me for my candidness and ability to get to the bottom line, so here goes. Intimacy only occurs on a personal and specific level, and your question comes from the general level. You are not looking for a "general" man. You are looking for a particular type of man. Engaging in such general questions with your girl friends is a waste of your time and precious energy. Since we’re talking about your desire for intimacy, let’s be intimate in our conversation, OK?

I’ll take the liberty to rephrase your question. "What about my self attracts men who are not emotionally intimate?" This question assumes several premises. (1) You have a great deal to do with who saunters into your personal space and who you allow to stay there. (2) Men do exist who enjoy being emotionally intimate. I know this because I’ve enjoyed relationships with several such men. (3) You want to take responsibility for attracting men who want to be emotionally intimate. (4) You will stop blaming men. Your unhappiness with men is related to your own selection process. (5) Your conscious and subconscious mind drives your selection process. (6) If you want to attract a different type of man, you have to upgrade your internal computer programming. 

 

Copyright 2010. The Esposito Institute, Inc. All Rights Reserved.

2010-02-12



Even when we are afraid that we will lose our way through the darkness, if we keep listening, keep praying and stay present, God will always show us the way into the light. ~Benita A. Esposito, MA